


Even the Strongest Will Break

by JasicoWhatHaveYouDoneToMe



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Bottom Jason, Bottom Jason Grace, Curses, Diapers, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Top Nico, Wetting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 11:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12131247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasicoWhatHaveYouDoneToMe/pseuds/JasicoWhatHaveYouDoneToMe
Summary: It had been happening a lot. Ever since they had gotten back from a recent run in with Deimos, the spirit of fear, dread, and terror. He had messed with Jason’s mind, went deep inside of him and pulled out his inner most fears. He had brought Jason Grace to knees in fear and probably would have broken him, if Annabeth hadn’t slammed an old greek vase down on the spirit’s head. He was grateful for Annabeth, but ever since that incident, there was always this feeling of fear at the back of his neck. And, he wet the bed.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been happening a lot. Ever since they had gotten back from a recent run in with Deimos, the spirit of  fear, dread, and terror. He had messed with Jason’s mind, went deep inside of him and pulled out his inner most fears. He had brought Jason Grace to knees in fear and probably would have broken him, if Annabeth hadn’t slammed an old greek vase down on the spirit’s head. He was grateful for Annabeth, but ever since that incident, there was always this feeling of fear at the back of his neck. And, he wet the bed. 

 

Yes, Jason Grace wet the bed. Even two weeks after the incident, he would still wake up to wet sheets every morning. Now, this wouldn’t be such a huge problem if he were the only one in the bed. No, Jason slept with his boyfriend every night, which meant that every night for the past two weeks, he had been making his boyfriend wet as well. Saying the situation was humiliating was an understatement. 

 

Nico didn’t seem to mind that much. In fact, he was very understanding. One morning, Jason awoke to find his boyfriend pulling off his sweat pants. Jason reflexively went to yank his pants back up. “What are you doing?”

 

Nico rubbed his shoulder, as if he was trying to comfort the blond somehow. “Give me your pants. I’ve got wash them and the sheets. You should probably shower.”

 

Humiliation washed over Jason. He had done it  _ again.  _ Slowly, he pulled off his damp pants and handed them to Nico. “Do you want me to take your underwear, too?” Nico asked as he stuffed the soiled pants into the laundry bag in his arms. Jason nodded and removed his underwear as well. The younger boy took them without hesitation. Whatever feelings he had about urine before all of this was replaced by indifference. Jason thought he was probably secretly very disgusted and grossed out. Jason was, at least. 

 

As Nico bundled up the sheets and stuffed them in the hamper, Jason went onto the bathroom to take a shower. He let the hot water run all over him as he scrubbed his inner legs with some sort of fruity soap that Piper had given him last Christmas. The shower started to smell a bit like the urine he was washing off, which put Jason on edge. He squirted more soap into his hand and scrubbed it all over his body. He couldn’t risk of smelling like ammonia. He’d much rather smell like  _ The Tropical Sun.  _

 

Nico entered the bathroom just as Jason had began washing his hair. Jason pulled back the shower curtain a bit, “What is it?”

 

His boyfriend wasn’t wearing any clothes and pushed the curtain open more, so that he could slide in. Jason stepped aside and let Nico stand under the water. 

“I put all our stuff in the washer.” He stated as he allowed the warm water to run through his hair, making it, if it’s even possible, a darker color. 

 

Jason didn’t want to say anything in response. He couldn’t. He felt so guilty. Nico shouldn’t have to put up with this. Much less, help clean it up. “I could have helped.” He muttered.

 

“No, I’m glad you got in the shower. That way it was ready by the time I got back.” Nico said with a small smile. He stepped aside so that Jason could wash the shampoo out of his hair. “Hey Jason?” Nico asked as he watched his boyfriend run his fingers over his light hair. 

 

“Yeah?” Jason answered as he moved left, so that Nico could get back under the water.

 

Nico squeezed a big handful of shampoo into his hands and rubbed it into his hair, hard and fast. “I think you should seriously consider using the pull ups.” He stated bluntly and refused to make eye contact.

 

Two days ago, Jason had come back to the Zeus cabin to find Nico sitting on their bed holding a box of teen pull ups. Jason reacted as anyone his age would.

 

“No, no way!” He shouted.

 

Nico sat the box next to him and sighed. “Jason, you’re refusing to seek psychiatric help, where they could give you medicine to help stop the accidents. I don’t know what else to do. And you’re so freaked out that you don’t drink hardly anything at all! It’s not healthy.” 

 

It was true. Jason only drank liquids in the morning. He knew it wasn’t the best thing for his body, since he was so physically active each day, but he just thought if he didn’t drink anything, he wouldn’t wet the bed. So far, this theory hadn’t worked. 

 

Jason shook with anger and embarrassment, “I don’t care. I will not use those  _ things. _ ”

 

“It would only be at night,” Nico tried again.

 

“No, Nico. It’s not happening!”

 

And Jason thought that would be the end of the pull up discussion. But here he was, naked in the shower, having this same conversation again.

 

“ _ No,  _ Nico.” 

Nico glared back at him, “Jason, nothing is changing. And nothing is going to change if you don’t do something about it. I’m just asking you to try it. Just for one night.” Nico was practically begging.  _ Probably because he’s tired of being pissed on _ , Jason thought to himself. 

 

Jason looked at his feet and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Nico asked shocked that he was agreeing.

 

“Yeah. I’ll try it, just for tonight, though.”

 

Nico grinned, “Okay, just for tonight.”

 

* * *

 

 

The day went by pretty quickly. Jason ate breakfast, drank two orange juices, went to spar with Percy, ate lunch, drank nothing, helped Leo fix the plumbing on the Demeter cabin, ate dinner and drank nothing. It was a pretty standard day. 

 

He was afraid though. That fear that  Deimos had cursed him with, began creeping up as he approached his cabin. Tonight was going to be awful. Tonight was going to be embarrassing. But, he promised Nico that he would try.

 

Jason slowly entered the cabin and immediately noticed that Nico wasn’t there yet. He was probably out Iris messaging Hazel or Reyna. He took this as a chance to get ready for bed in private. This would at least save him the embarrassment of being seen putting on the pull up. 

He pulled the box of teen pull ups out from the back of the closet and reluctantly opened the box. 

 

Sixteen pairs of padded undergarments stared back at him. He quickly took off his jeans and boxers and slowly slipped on one of the pull ups. He felt like an absolute moron.

 

Jason threw a pair of sweatpants on over the pull up and jumped into his bed. It felt weird. He had padding all around him. He grabbed at his crotch through the sweatpants.  _ Oh, this is really weird.  _ He felt like an infant. 

 

That feeling began creeping up behind him again. The fear that Nico would judge him, even though he had been the one to suggest the pull ups. Jason rolled his eyes,  _ oh, who am I kidding? They’re diapers. I’m wearing a freaking diaper, because I can’t seem to stop peeing in the middle of the night! _

Jason gripped the covers of his bed. What if Nico told someone? What if this is all just a big joke?

 

Before Jason could torture himself with more awful questions, Nico shadow traveled back into the cabin. He got ready for bed quickly and quietly, before slipping into bed next to his boyfriend. 

 

“Hey.” The son of Hades whispered and buried his face into Jason’s shoulder.

 

“Hey.” Jason whispered back, fighting the urge to fidget around the padding. 

 

“Did you put it on?”

 

“ _ Yes. _ ” Jason replied sharply.

 

Nico reached his hand down to feel the pull up. “Good. Hopefully, it’ll help.”

 

“Just tonight.”

 

Nico nodded and yawned, “Yes, just tonight.”

 

Both of the boys dozed off soon after that.

 

* * *

 

When Jason woke up, his crotch felt kind of cold and wet. He quickly looked down, expecting to find a mess, but everything was dry. Except for the pull up. Jason shifted. It felt weird. A soft whimper left his lips and fear gripped his mind. 

 

Nico shifted in his sleep, snuggling closer into the son of Jupiter. Normally Jason would revel in this affection, but right now, all he wanted to do was push Nico away and squirm. Jason unconsciously whimpered once more as the familiar chill of fear went down his spine.

 

Suddenly and without his permission, warmth spread throughout his crotch. He was pissing himself.  _ And he couldn’t stop it.  _ The fear of anything and  _ everything  _ would not leave his mind. Could not leave his mind.

 

So he just layed there, pissing himself, thanking the gods that Nico talked him into wearing the pull up.

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow, he ended up falling back to sleep. When he awoke the second time, it was because Nico was getting out of bed. Jason moaned and shoved his face into his pillow. Hearing this, Nico leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. “You sleep okay?”

 

“Alright,” Jason muttered.

 

The son of death patted the sheets by Jason’s sides and hesitantly made eye contact with him, “Did you…?” 

 

Jason’s face burned with embarrassment and shoved his face further into his pillow. “Yes.”

 

“How did you like it?” Jason can tell that Nico is trying to be really gentle about this.

 

He took a shaky breath before answering, “I like that you don’t have to clean the sheets.”

 

“I never minded, Jace.”

 

Jason flipped over, facing his boyfriend. “But, that’s the thing. You  _ should _ mind! It’s disgusting!” 

 

Nico’s face contorted, “Jason, it’s not like you can help it.”

 

Something inside Jason broke. Maybe it was his last bit of pride. Maybe it was the last bit of him fighting against  Deimos’ curse. Whatever it was, it  _ broke.  _

 

His lip began to quiver and tears welled up in his eyes. Nico’s eyes widened at the sight and wrapped his arms around him. “No, no, baby, don’t cry.” Nico whispered, but it was no use. Jason began sobbing into Nico’s shoulder. Loud, disgusting, heart-breaking sobs. 

 

“You, you shouldn’t have to put up with this,” Jason gasped through his crys. “I-I can’t help it. I can’t help it.  _ I can’t help it! _ ” He gripped onto Nico even tighter. Nico began whispering that it was okay. That it wasn’t his fault. That he was going to be okay. He wanted to believe it, but the fear, it wouldn’t let him. He was so scared. So, so scared. Scared that he will never be the same. Scared that Nico will get sick of him. Scared that his friends will find out how bad he is. Scared that he will end up just like his mom: lonely and drunk. 

Jason tried and failed to stop his tears and whimpers. Nico rubbed his back gently and hummed softly. The blond buried his face into his boyfriend’s chest. “I’m just so scared, Nico.”

 

“I know, love.”

 

Eventually he was able to stop crying, but Nico continued to hum and rub his back. He listen to the tune and shifted closer towards the source. As soon as he moved, he was reminded of his pull up and mainly, how wet he was. Jason squirmed in discomfort.

 

“What is it, baby?” Nico whispered. Normally, Jason was really fond this particular pet name, but right now, as he sits in his own mess, this name only brings him shame.

 

Jason’s face burned red, fear gripping him, causing him to be at a loss for words. He whined and shifted again, pressing his face into the other demigods shoulder. 

 

Nico tried to lift his face up, confused by his sudden shy behavior. “Jace, what’s wrong?” Jason fought his hands, looking anywhere but at his face, squirming while doing so. “Baby, what’s-”

 

The dark haired demigod cut himself off, suddenly realizing the problem. He lowered his voice, trying to sound as neutral as possible, “Jason, you need to change. You don’t want to get a rash.”

 

Jason’s face seemed to get even redder. He knew he needed to change, because Nico was right, he didn’t want a rash. But he didn’t feel he could move. If he got up he’d have to leave Nico and he really didn’t feel like he could do that. Nico was providing him shelter from the fear. He didn’t want to leave that.

 

“Do you… do you want help?” Nico asked after a minute.

 

Jason shot out of Nico’s arms, “No! No, no, no. I’m fine.” He rushed off to the bathroom, feeling Nico eye’s following him. 

 

As he closed the bathroom door, he felt the fear at the back of his neck get stronger. Shaking, he strips down and slowly removes the pull up.  _ You’re disgusting,  _ his mind whispered. Jason’s body shook. He was. He was disgusting.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day went on normally, with one exception. Jason stuck to Nico like glue. Being with Nico made the fear dissipate. When he was around Nico, he didn’t feel the fear, he could almost forgot about it. There was one down side to following Nico around all day, Jason discovered. Nico made Jason drink water, a lot. The son of Hades insisted that he needed to stay hydrated. It was a small price to pay in order to feel safe.

 

The two were sitting at the Zeus table, eating lunch, when Leo approached them. “Hey, man! Where’ve you been all day? I thought I’d see you sparring this morning.” Leo said as he sat down in front of Jason.

 

Jason shrugged and sipped at his water. “Didn’t feel like it.”

 

Leo grabbed at his heart in fake shock, which caused Nico to roll his eyes and groan. “Dude, since when do you ever not ‘feel like it?’” 

 

“Since today, I guess.” Jason muttered as he took another sip. 

 

“I’m finding it very hard to believe that Jason wasn’t abducted and that you’re just his alien replacement.”

 

Jason chuckled, “Nah, it’s really me.”

 

“I was hoping that you could come over the bunker. I’ve got something I want to show you.”

 

“What is it?” Nico said through a mouth full of food. 

 

Leo sighed dramatically, “No, no, no. It’s a surprise. And it’s not finished yet, I just wanted to get Jason’s opinion on it.” Leo turned to Jason, “So? You wanna come see it?”

 

Immediately the word, “yes” slipped from his lips, but he instantly regretted. If Leo just wanted his opinion on the ‘surprise,’ then that meant Nico couldn’t come with him to the bunker. He’d have to go  _ alone.  _

 

As he followed Leo out of the dining area, slowly getting further and further away from Nico, Jason felt the fear at the back of his neck rising. He was so focused on fighting the fear, he barely noticed that Leo was talking to him.

 

“-- And then I told Piper that there was no way that could be possible. You know what I’m saying?”

 

Jason forced a soft laugh, “Uh, yeah.”

 

Leo gave him a look that let Jason know that he knew that Jason hadn’t been listening to him. “Yeah… So how are you and Death Breath?”

 

“We’re good,” He said as he kicked a rock on the trail. 

 

“Okay that’s good. How are  _ you  _ doing? You know… ever since Deimos.”

 

At the name of the spirit, Jason froze in his tracks. Fear was slowly crashing over him. Suddenly the woods surrounding them seemed a lot darker. Laughs and taunts whispered in his mind. “I’m-- I’m fine” He whispered. 

 

“Dude, are you sure?” Leo reached out and touched Jason’s shoulder, and he instantly flinched away. He didn’t want to be touched. He tried to take deep breaths and balled his fists. 

 

“I’m  _ fine. _ ” Jason looked away, “Just-- show me what you want to show me.”

 

Leo hesitantly continued to lead Jason to the bunker. Once there, Leo told Jason to wait outside while he gets the contraption. He went inside and reappeared within a minute. In his arm was a dog. Well a robotic dog.

 

“Do you like him?” The robo dog panted and wiggled in Leo’s arms, “There’s still a few bugs that I have to work out, but he’s almost done. Do you think Piper will like her birthday present?”

 

The robo dog was cute, he was sure Piper would love him and he was about to Leo so when something changed. The dog’s cute face shifted. It grew large fangs and spikes on it’s back.  _ You really think you can fight me, Jason Grace?  _ The dog seemed to whisper in his mind.  _ I am everywhere. I am everything. I will haunt you til the day you  _ **_die_ ** _.  _

 

Jason was frozen. He barely recognized that Leo was calling his name, much less that a warmth was spreading through the front of his pants and down his legs. He sort of just, stood there. Frozen in fear and shock. 

 

He probably would have been like this much longer if Leo hadn’t punch him in the face in a panic. Jason fell back and landed on the ground hard and in his own mess. Leo started screaming about something and saying that he was sorry. He couldn’t really hear what was going on around him. Jason lifted his hands up to his nose, which was bleeding, and held them there.

 

His hearing came back to life shortly after a small crowd had arrived at the bunker. People were shouting but he couldn’t really tell who was saying what. He just focused on holding his nose.

 

“What happened Valdez? I am going to ask you one last time:  _ What happened?”  _ Someone screamed.

 

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” Replied a panicked voice. Jason could only assume that it was Leo. “I just showed him the dog and then, and then he flipped out! He froze up and he wouldn’t answer me. It was like he wasn’t there!”

 

“So you punched him?!” A female voice demanded. 

 

“Why is he wet?”

 

“Shut up, Percy. Just help me pick him up.” Two sets of hands were suddenly on him, helping him stand up. Jason looked up to see that it was Percy and Nico who were helping him stand up and walk. Jason turned his head to look at his boyfriend. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. He just kept holding his nose.

 

Nico rubbed his back as he and Percy guided him back to the Zeus cabin. They were probably twenty feet away from the cabin when Percy grumbled, “Annabeth was right. Deimos did do something to him.” 

 

Just hearing the name was enough to break Jason from his trance. All of his emotions came crashing down on him when he realized he was practically standing in the middle of camp, covered in blood and piss. He had wet himself in front of his best friend. Half of the camp knew that there was something majorly wrong with him.

 

Tears slipped out of his eyes and sobs left his lips. And now he was publicly crying his eyes out. This fact just caused him to cry harder. He could feel Nico’s arms wrap around him and he heard him whisper reassurances. 

 

Percy quickly ushered the two inside the Zeus cabin and whispered something to Nico before leaving. 

 

Nico brushed his tears away and hugged him tightly. “Baby, I’m gonna change you out of your clothes, okay?”

 

Through his crying, he was able to nod. Nico stripped him of his wet pants and underwear and pulled his shirt off over Jason’s head. Nico went to move away from Jason, which caused Jason to immediately panic. 

 

“Don’t leave, please don’t-- don’t leave!” Jason sobbed and struggled to breathe. 

 

Nico brought Jason close to him, “Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, I was just gonna get a washcloth for you. Can I do that?”

 

“Y-yes.”

 

Nico slowly left Jason go, but rushed to the bathroom. When he returned, he began rubbing down Jason’s legs with the warm, soapy, washcloth. Jason whimpered as Nico cleaned him up. He wished he was in bed. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to tell Nico this, but for whatever reason, he wasn’t able to find the words. 

 

“Okay baby, now I’m gonna go get your pajamas, okay?” Nico only left Jason’s side once he was able to nod “yes.” Nico grabbed his clothes from Jason’s drawer, went to return to his sniffling boyfriend, when he turned back to the closet. He ended up coming back with a pair of Jason’s softest pajamas and a pull up.

 

Jason’s eyes widened at the sight of the diaper. “No,” he whispered, but his voice was so soft that his boyfriend didn’t even hear him. Nico held out the pull up for Jason to step into, but Jason didn’t move. Nico softly tapped at his right leg, signaling for him to step in. Jason whimpered and stepped into the diaper. Nico quickly pulled it up to his waist and then helped him into his pajama pants. 

 

After he was fully dressed, Nico laid him down in their bed. Jason stared at him through tear filled eyes as the son of Hades stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed next to him. He pressed his face into Jason’s shoulder. “I love you,” Nico whispered, “I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I-- Love you. Too.” Jason struggled for words. 

 

“What happened back there?”

 

Jason squeezed his eyes shut, “The. The dog. It  _ talked _ to me.”

 

“What did it say?” Nico asked into his shoulder. 

 

“It-- it said, it said--” Jason couldn’t finish his sentence. What did the dog say? Had it really said anything? Or was it just the fear, manifesting itself? 

 

Nico ran his hands through Jason’s hair. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything right now.”

 

Jason fell asleep shortly after that. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m just speculating here, Nico, but it seems like Jason is having an episode.”
> 
> “An episode?”
> 
> “Well, I mean, just yesterday, he was able to function just fine. Then Jason got freaked out at the bunker, which triggered an episode.”
> 
> “Are they supposed to last this long?” Nico’s voice sounded panicked. 
> 
> “It lasts however long it lasts.”

Jason dreamt of darkness. 

 

Of nothing.

 

He awoke slowly and realized two things. One, he couldn’t hear anything again, and two, he couldn’t move. He felt his boyfriend shift next to him. Jason wanted to reach out to him, scream that he couldn’t move. He felt Nico shake his shoulder, but couldn’t respond. Nico lowered his face so that it was directly in front of Jason’s. His mouth was moving, so Jason knew that he was trying to tell him something, but he couldn’t hear it.

 

A worried expression swept over Nico’s face. Then something funny happened. Jason heard Nico’s voice even though his mouth wasn’t moving. “Jason? You ready to get up, love? Jace? Can you hear me?”

 

It was like his hearing was delayed. Nico’s mouth started moving again and then reached for Jason’s crotch. This confused Jason, until he realized that he was feeling at the pull up. The padding around him was damp and cold. It itched, he wanted it off.

 

Nico’s delayed voice spoke again, “Are you wet? Did something scare you?”

 

Before Nico’s delayed voice could finish talking, Nico’s mouth starting moving once again. He looked conflicted with what he was saying. It made Jason sad; he didn’t Nico to be upset. Jason tried to speak, but no words would come. 

 

Nico started pulling down Jason’s pajama pants as he heard heard his voice, “I’m gonna change you, okay? It’s okay, I’m gonna help you.”

 

Jason began to internally panic.  _ No, no, no! _ He wanted to scream. Nico shouldn’t have to deal with this. Shame washed over him as his boyfriend removed his pull up and started wiping him down. Where he had gotten the wipes, Jason had no idea. He quickly disposed of the wipes and dirty pull up and returned to stare at Jason. From the panic, Jason must have blacked out a bit, because the next thing he knew, Nico was gone. “I can’t pick you up by myself. I’ll be right back, love.” These were the words Jason was left with. 

 

Nico wasn’t gone long. Wherever he went, he must have ran. He came back with Percy in tow, both of their mouths were moving and the delayed voices were all over the place.

 

“--Can’t lift him into the tub on my own.”

 

“It’s fine, I told you, you can always ask me for help.”

 

“I don’t think he can hear me when I talk to him. And last night…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It was like he couldn’t speak properly. Like it was taking all of his energy to talk to me.”

 

Suddenly Percy’s face was right in front of his, bearing a sympathetic smile. Suddenly, Jason became very aware of the fact that he was laying down, naked, on top of his bed. Percy’s mouth started moving and his words started to catch up and match his mouth. “Hey, bud. I gonna help get you into the tub, okay?”

 

Swiftly, and in one move, Percy lifted Jason’s limp and naked body off of the bed. The son of Poseidon carried him into his and Nico’s bathroom and slowly placed him into the warm water that filled the bathtub. The water felt good against his skin.

 

“Prop him up.” He heard Nico instruct. Percy did as he asked, making sure that Jason wouldn’t slip into the water, subsequently drowning himself. 

 

Percy ruffled the blond’s hair, “See? That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” 

 

If Jason could have spoken, he would have disagreed. Nico got down on his knees beside the tub and started lathering up Jason’s body with soap, while Percy started telling him a story about his baby sister. Percy made wild hand gestures as he explained how she had climbed to the top of the fridge. 

 

Jason was so focused on Percy that he was shocked when Nico suddenly dumped water over his head. While Nico had purposely made the water fall down the back of his head, some of the water ended up in his eyes. 

 

A noise of discomfort slipped from his lips. Realizing his mistake, Nico whispered apologies and wiped the water away from his eyes. “All better now, Jace?” The son of Hades asked, not really expecting an answer.

 

“Better,” Jason whispered so quietly that the other two demigods barely heard him. 

 

Both of them stared at him with wide eyes. Nico was the first to speak, “Hey, baby. Are you feeling okay?”

 

No, he really wasn’t feeling okay. His whole body felt numb and he felt defenseless. He also felt humiliated, being naked and helpless in front the two. But he wasn’t able to say that. It was like his mind wouldn’t let him say those words. All he managed to get out was a stuttered “no.”

 

“Does anything hurt?” Nico asked, gently stroking his cheek.

 

Jason’s lip unconsciously jut outwards. “No,” He whimpered.

 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Words didn’t come easy, which frustrated Jason greatly. He couldn’t explain how numb he felt and he could feel himself getting rapidly upset. Percy must have sensed this, “Hey, it’s okay. Tell you what, you stay here with Nico and get all cleaned up. I’ll go tell Will that he should set aside time to see you. You can go with Nico to talk to Will after you get cleaned up, okay?”

 

“O--okay,” Jason whimpered. 

 

Percy turned to Nico, “Bring him to the infirmary as soon as possible. Come get me if he can’t walk there.”

 

“I could just shadow travel us there.”

 

“No offense, Nico, but I think the last thing that Jason needs to see is the Nither right now.” Percy stated and left the room.

 

Jason watched a scowl slowly appear on Nico’s face.  _ This is all your fault. You’re making Nico feel bad about himself,  _ a voice whispered in his mind. An upsetting noise escaped his lips. 

 

“Oh, baby,” Nico hushed him, and started scrubbing shampoo into his scalp. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”

 

“Sad,” Jason forced the word out.

 

Dark, concerned eyes met his blue ones. “You’re sad, Jace? What’s making you sad?”

 

“Nuh,” Jason choked, “You s-- sad”

 

Nico rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, managing not to get water in Jason’s eyes this time. “I’m sad? Baby, don’t worry about me right now. Please.”

 

Jason bit his lip, but reluctantly nodded in agreement. Nico smiled, “Okay, now let’s get you all dried up. Do you think you can stand?”

 

Jason shut his eyes tight, trying to force the numb feeling to go away. But it was to no avail, the numbness stayed. Jason lifted his arms, indicating that he was gonna need help actually standing up. Nico grabbed his arms and lifted him up to standing position. The water sloshed around his feet.

 

“Alright, now I need you to step out.” Nico said and slightly tugged at Jason’s arms. Slowly, Jason found himself lifting up one of his legs and stepping outside of the tub. Once he was completely out of the bath and shivering, Nico wrapped him up in a towel and led him into the bedroom. The dark haired demigod quickly picked out pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt. He laid them out on the bed, before returning to the closet and coming back with a pull up. 

 

“Just in case,” Nico whispered, as he had Jason step into it and pulled it up to his waist. Jason squirmed around the padding. Jason hated this. He really did. He just didn’t seem the point in objecting; he would probably be thankful for it later anyway. He just hated feeling this helpless. 

 

Nico then pulled the sweatpants on over the pull up and slipped the shirt on over Jason’s head. Jason gripped at the end of the sleeves. 

 

“Can you walk with me to the infirmary?”

 

Jason nodded. His boyfriend grabbed hold of his hand and began leading him to the infirmary. 

 

* * *

 

“What’s going on Jason? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Jason was sitting on a cot in the infirmary, chewing on the end of sleeve, while Will was shoving a tool into his ear. Jason wanted to tell Will that he had no idea what was going on with him. But he could only get out a huff of air. 

 

“Well, his ears are working. And you said he was able to walk over here?” Will asked Nico, who was standing in the corner of the room, while he shove a stethoscope up under Jason’s shirt. It was cold and made skin crawl. He didn’t want Will touching him. Jason whined in discomfort. 

 

“Careful,” Nico scolded with a scowl. “And yes, he walked over here.”

 

“So his legs work.” Will chuckled.

 

Nico stepped closer. “This isn’t funny, Will!”

 

Will pulled the stethoscope away and Jason practically sighed in relief. “His heart rate is normal. Physically, he seems perfectly fine. So the problem must be,” He tapped his forehead, “up here.”

 

Bending down to Jason’ level, Will spoke slowly, “I know that you had a run in with the spirit of  fear. That must have been awful.”

 

Jason dug his teeth deeper into his sleeve and nodded.

 

“Is that when these problems started?”

 

Another nod.

 

“But it started getting worse?”

 

Jason sniffled, then nodded. He felt Nico staring at him, so he focused on the floor.

 

Will turned to Nico, “What kind of symptoms is he experiencing?”

 

“Well this morning, he couldn’t even move. He also can’t speak sometimes, or when he does, it’s like he struggles with it. He’s scared.” Nico took a deep breath. “He’s really scared. And he’s experiencing… incontinence.”  

 

Jason’s whole face lit up bright red. Shame filled his mind. The laughs and taunts returned. The numbness that had subsided, had returned. 

 

“I’m just speculating here, Nico, but it seems like Jason is having an episode.”

 

“An episode?”

 

“Well, I mean, just yesterday, he was able to function just fine. Then Jason got freaked out at the bunker, which triggered an episode.”

 

“Are they supposed to last this long?” Nico’s voice sounded panicked. 

 

“It lasts however long it lasts.”

 

“What kind of stuff triggers it? And what caused him to have episodes like this?!  Deimos?” 

 

Jason cried out at the name, feeling his eyes fill up with tears. Nico was at his side in an instant, hushing him and rubbing his back. 

 

“Well there’s your answer.” Was Will’s response, which earned a glare from Nico. “Look, you said De-- the spirit almost killed him right? This is probably just his brain’s way of dealing with it. He went through a traumatic event and this how his brain is handling it.”

 

Nico’s hands were now at Jason’s hair, stroking it softly, in a soothing way. Will continued, “Now as far as triggers go… I can’t say. It’s one of those things that you’ll have to figure out. The spirit’s name is definitely one of them. Other than that, just try to keep him away from stressful things. Those are most likely to trigger an episode.”

 

Nico went on to ask more questions, but Jason stopped listening. All he could focus on was the warm feeling filling up his pull up. His body didn’t even give him a warning. It just went. Shame washed over him yet again.

 

* * *

 

Will thought it would be best if he went about his day as he normally would, so Nico led him around to all of his daily activities. Well, except for sparing. And the lava rock wall. Nico spent most of the morning talking and telling stories while Jason listened. 

 

The more walking he did, the more irritated he got. The pull up had been wet for a while now and the walking was not helping. It itched a lot and Jason could feel it beginning to burn. But, Jason had no way of telling Nico that. His words weren’t working. And he couldn’t help himself, all he could seem to do was hold tight to Nico’s hand as he led him around.

 

At lunch, Nico made him drink lots of water. He really didn’t want to, because he knew that if he did, he’d end up wetting himself again, making his pull up even more uncomfortable. But he drank it anyway, because Nico said that he needed to be hydrated. Not an hour later, he wet himself again.

 

By dinner, the burning was unbearable. He just tried to sit still while he ate in order to relieve the pain. But walking back to Jason’s cabin--   _ that was unbearable.  _ He cried with every step he took. Jason knew that other campers must have been staring, but he couldn’t stop, it just hurt so badly. 

 

Nico too, was getting rapidly upset. He didn’t know what was wrong with Jason and he knew that Jason had no way of telling him. Once they were in the cabin, Nico began questioning Jason in order to figure what was wrong. 

 

“Does something hurt?” Loud cries answer him.

 

“Did someone hurt you?” Still only cries were the response.

 

“Does your stomach hurt?” Jason’s wailing continued.

 

Finally, Nico asked, “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” 

 

Because Jason figured this was as close as Nico was going to guess at the real problem, he nodded through his cries. 

 

Nico frowned and stepped closer to him, “I don’t understand, love. You have your--” He stopped talking as he felt for Jason’s pull up. Jason can only assume how wet and full it must have felt.

 

The son of Hades’ eyes widened. “ _ Merda _ ,” He muttered. He wrapped his arms around Jason  and pulled him close. “Jason, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”

 

Jason’s cries slowed and he pushed his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder. He wished he could whisper in his ear, tell him how much it burns, but he couldn’t. 

 

Nico pulled away and walked quickly into the bathroom, returning with a towel in his hand. He spread the towel on the edge of the bed. “Lay down,” He said gently.

 

Whimpering, Jason did as he was asked. The burning increased as the wet pull up was pressed closer to his skin as he layed down on the bed. Tears slipped out from his eyes when Nico pulled off his pants and ripped off the side tabs of the pull up instead of just slipping it down. He probably thought slipping it off his legs would end up making more of a mess. 

 

“Lift your hips up, love.” Jason never felt more like an infant. He lifted his hips and Nico slipped the pull up out from underneath him and began wiping him down. The wipes stung and caused Jason to cry out. When he lifted his hips, Nico must have seen something troubling, because he asked Jason to roll over. 

 

When Jason was on his stomach, exposing his bare ass, he heard Nico whisper, “Shit, Jace.” Jason could only assume how raw and red his backside looked and Nico’s response only confirmed it.  

 

“I’m--I’m gonna be right back.” Nico’s voice sounded all watery. He probably felt like this was his fault. It wasn’t. It wasn’t his fault Jason couldn’t speak for himself. 

 

The room was silent. Nico must have shadow traveled somewhere. Jason didn’t move the whole time Nico was gone. When he returned, Jason looked over his shoulder to see his boyfriend holding a bottle of Desitin diaper rash cream. 

 

“I’m gonna put it on. Okay?” Nico said slowly, indicating that Jason could say no if he wanted to. As embarrassing as this all was, he nodded to give Nico the “go ahead.” He needed the burning to stop.

 

It was weird. That’s the only Jason could describe it. Nico gently rubbed the cream on all over the irritated area. It was weird because the other times Nico had touched Jason like this was in a sexual context. Jason whined. Like Nico was ever going to want to anything like that anytime soon. Not when he was so messed up.

 

Nico mistook his whine for a cry of discomfort. He quickly pulled his hand away, “Did it hurt?” 

 

Jason shook his head. Nico looked skeptical, but he resumed rubbing the cream in. Once the burning sensation faded, the son of Jupiter physically relaxed. The feeling of his boyfriend rubbing his ass didn’t feel as weird. It felt intimate, in a non sexual way. It was comforting. 

 

Suddenly, Nico stopped rubbing him and asked him to roll over and lift up his hips again. He did so and Nico slipped on a new pull up. The dark haired demigod then grabbed a pair of Jason’s pajama pants and pulled then up over the pull up. He then motioned for Jason to get in under the covers of the bed. 

 

Once Jason was all tucked in, Nico slipped in next to him. He took his usual place and shoved his face into Jason’s shoulder. “You feel better?”

 

Jason nodded, still unable to find his voice.

 

Nico sighed into his shoulder. “We need to have system for when you can’t use your words. Like when you need changed.”

 

Jason nodded again, face red.

 

“I don’t want you to hurt again like you did today.”

 

Jason could tell his boyfriend felt really guilty about all this. He wished he could say something. 

 

“How about if you need to be changed, you squeeze my hand three times.” Nico looked into his eyes, “Do you think you can do that?”

 

Jason nodded. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason’s crying and screaming persisted. Laying on the bed, he clutched at Nico’s pillow and hollered for him. “‘Ico,’ico,’ico!” 
> 
> Annabeth, for once, looked like she at a loss for words. “Percy, I know you don’t want to bother Nico, but we’re gonna have to call him.”
> 
> “No!” Percy ran a hand threw his hair, “If we do that, he’ll just come running back here. He should be able to leave the camp for a while to help his Dad. If Jason wasn’t like-- this right now, he’d agree.”

Shortly after the rash incident, Jason agreed to see a therapist about his episodes. He liked his therapist. She was nice enough. She suggested to Jason that whenever an episode reared its head, he should try to give into it. She said that it appeared that the longer Jason stressed about having his episodes and actively fought against them, the longer they were going to last.

 

Jason had a really hard time just giving into his episodes. He was supposed to be strong and independent, but during his episodes he was weak and very dependent on Nico. 

 

Nico. Nico was an absolute saint in Jason’s eyes. Any other guy would have left him by now, but Nico stood by him. Took care of him. Jason was so thankful for him.

 

It had been about a week since his last episode and things were looking up for the son of Jupiter. So, when Nico informed his boyfriend that Hades had summoned him, Jason urged him to go.

 

“But what if something goes wrong while I’m gone?” Nico bit his lip.

 

“It’s been good, Nico. I feel good. Everything is gonna be alright. You should go see your Dad.” 

 

It took about an hour of reassuring him, but Nico finally agreed to go, only on the condition that Percy would check in on him frequently. 

 

Everything had been good. Jason started hanging out with Leo and Piper again. Everything had been good. Percy would pop by every couple of hours. Everything had been good.

 

Until it wasn’t. 

 

Leo, Piper and Jason were sitting on the porch of the Big House playing clue, when suddenly they heard a bunch of screaming. The three of them froze.

 

“What the hell?” Leo asked, setting down his cards slowly. 

 

Piper stood up and brushed off her pants, “Let’s go check it out.”

 

Jason felt a shiver go down his spine. A sign that an episode was about to occur. He should have said, ‘No, I’m gonna go back to my cabin.’ He should have said, ‘You guys go on without me.’ But, this was Leo and Piper. He didn’t want them to think he was completely damaged. He could control himself. So instead, he said, “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

The three of them followed the screaming and yelling to the front of the camp. When they reached the front, Jason froze. Two cyclops were trying to breach the camp boundary. Other campers were throwing spears through boundary, towards to cyclops. The cyclops roared in anger.

 

“Come on, let’s get these things out of here,” Leo said, pulling a nail gun out of his tool belt. 

 

Leo and Piper took off towards the group of demigods charging at the cyclops. It felt like Jason’s feet were nailed to the ground. He felt the episode coming on full forced.  _ Give into it, Jason. It’ll be alright,  _ his therapist would say. But it wouldn’t be. He was out in public. Nico wasn’t here.  _ Oh my gods, Nico wasn’t here! _ Jason let a whimper out and dug his nails into his hands. He had to try to fight his need to curl up in a ball and cry out for his boyfriend.

 

“Jason, come on!” He heard Leo yell. Jason looked up, to see a cyclops lock eyes with him and roar. Spit from the monster flew everywhere and Jason’s knees wobbled. His hearing skewed, everything sounded all echo-y.

 

Jason’s lip jutted out and he dug his fingernails deeper into his palms. “Ngh…’ico,” Jason whimpered. He wanted Nico. He needed him. 

 

Suddenly, someone was screaming his name and running towards him. “Jason! Jason, what are you doing out here? You can’t be out here!” It was Percy. Percy grabbed his arm and Jason instantly leaned into him, searching for comfort of any sort. 

 

“Ngh…’ico,” Jason whispered again.

 

“I know, buddy. I know, but Nico’s not here right now. It’s gonna be okay,” Percy wrapped his arm around Jason’s back and started leading him back to the Zeus cabin. On the walk there, Jason felt his bladder empty itself in his pull up and out of instinct, Jason reached out for Nico’s hand. Once he realized his mistake, he whined and  felt tears start to fill up in his eyes.

 

“‘Ico, ‘ico, ‘ico,” Jason cried.

 

“I know, buddy,” Percy muttered and opened the door to Jason’s cabin. Jason rushed in, flopping himself on Nico’s side of the bed. He buried his face into Nico’s pillow, breathing in his scent.

 

“Want ‘ico.” Jason said, his voice muffled by the pillow.  

 

“Bud--” Whatever Percy was about to say was cut off by the cabin door being opened. In walked Annabeth, hair wild, eyes piercing, and a scowl on her face. Percy looked at her like she was a goddess. 

 

“Well,” Annabeth started, “The cyclopes are gone.”

 

“That’s good.” 

 

Jason shoved his face deeper into Nico’s pillow. He wanted Nico. He wanted him now. Tears swelled up in his eyes and he let out a sob out.

 

“How are we supposed to help him?” He heard Annabeth ask.

 

“Nico says we should just try to keep him calm. He said that he likes to color a lot.”

 

Suddenly there was a hand running through his hair, and a soothing voice whispering to him. “Hey Jason,” It was Annabeth. “I heard you like to color. I like to color, too. Would you like to color with me?”

 

Jason whined, he only colored with Nico. Nico. Nico, he wanted Nico. 

 

Annabeth tried again, “Maybe we could color something for Nico, huh? Do you think he’d like that?”

 

Nico always loved his drawings, he would look at Jason’s art and gush about wonderful it was. He would kiss Jason on the cheek and tell him how much he loved him. Jason thinks that he could draw a pretty picture for his boyfriend. He nodded in response to Annabeth’s question.

 

* * *

 

After a little coaxing, Jason found himself laying on his stomach on the floor, drawing with a blue crayon. Annabeth was sitting next to him, a red colored pencil in her hand, carefully coloring in the bricks of a building that Jason had drawn.

 

Percy was sitting on edge of the bed, reading story aloud. It was Jason’s favorite story, it was about the original Perseus and Medusa. He liked it, because when Percy told it, he gave Perseus a wacky voice and Medusa a gruff, hiss-like voice. He was feeling good, but then, he started to itch.

 

Out of habit he reached out to the nearest hand, which was usually Nico’s, but was Annabeth’s this time, and squeezed three time. Annabeth switched her focus from the drawing to Jason. “What is it? Do you need something?”

 

Jason stared at her with wide eyes.  _ Oh, that’s right. They don’t know.  _ Jason needed to be changed, but his friends didn’t know that, they probably didn’t even know about his incontinence. And he had no way of telling him. His words weren’t working right. He could feel himself getting worked up.

 

Percy must have sensed this, because he was at his side in an instant, rubbing his back. “Hey, buddy, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

 

Jason sputtered, trying to get his words to work, but wasn’t able. Frustrated, he grabbed at his own sides and dug his nails into his shirt. 

 

“I thought you were having fun coloring with Annabeth. Do you want to stop? Maybe do something else?” Percy questioned while continuing to stroke his back. 

 

He didn’t want to stop coloring, he wanted to finish his drawing for Nico, but he needed to be changed. His words weren’t working. So he did the only thing he could think of to express how he was feeling. He began to cry. And scream. And push Percy away. He didn’t want Percy, he wanted Nico.

 

Annabeth and Percy were at a complete loss as to how to help him. They tried to calm him down by complementing his drawing, trying to read the rest of the story and even trying to get him to lay down on the bed.

 

Jason’s crying and screaming persisted. Laying on the bed, he clutched at Nico’s pillow and hollered for him. “‘Ico,’ico,’ico!” 

 

Annabeth, for once, looked like she at a loss for words. “Percy, I know you don’t want to bother Nico, but we’re gonna have to call him.”

 

“No!” Percy ran a hand threw his hair, “If we do that, he’ll just come running back here. He should be able to leave the camp for a while to help his Dad. If Jason wasn’t like-- this right now, he’d agree.”

 

“He doesn’t have to come back just yet! He just needs to tell us how to calm Jason down.” Annabeth said, practically yelling over Jason’s screams. “I mean, look at him! He’s gonna give himself a heart attack.” 

 

It was true, Jason was twitching, shaking, and making loud, ugly sobs. He shoved his face into the pillow, trying to pretend it was Nico’s chest. 

 

“We just need to get him to calm--” Percy cut himself off. It was like a light bulb had appeared over his head. “I’ve got an idea!” With that he ran out of the cabin. 

 

Annabeth huffed. “He better be coming right back,” she muttered. She tried to rub Jason’s back, but he push her away and cried harder. 

 

Percy did end up coming right back, he dashed back into the cabin with something small in his hand. 

 

“What are you..?” Annabeth began to ask, but Percy threw her a look that said,  _ just trust me.  _ The next thing that Jason knew, Percy was shoving something rubber-like in his mouth in between his screams. Out of pure instinct, he gave it a suck. And another. And another. Until his cries all but disappeared. 

 

The cabin had gone silent, besides the sounds of soft sucks. Jason’s body slowly relaxed and he felt his eyelids flutter shut. 

 

“Where did you even get a pacifier?” He heard Annabeth ask.

 

“It’s my sister’s,” Percy answered. “One accidentally ended up in my bag.”

 

“Well it seems to be working.”

 

And it was. Sucking on the rubber nipple provided Jason with a strange sense of comfort. He felt a thumb rub against his cheek. Jason opened his eyes to see Annabeth hovering over him, giving him a concerned look. 

 

“Sweetheart,” Annabeth started, which was weird to hear, because Nico was the only one who called him names like that. “What was making you so upset? Do you think you can tell us?”

 

As much as he wanted to, his words still weren’t working. So he threw a look to the closet, where the pull ups were kept. Annabeth followed his gaze, “Do you think there’s something in there?”

 

Jason nodded. He knew there was something that he needed in the closet. 

 

Percy walked to closet, opening it slowly. “What do you think is in here, Jace?”

 

In response, Jason just continued to stare at the closet. Percy analyzed his friend’s stare, trying to find what exactly what he was looking at. Finally, after what seemed like hours to Jason, Percy stumbled across the pull ups. 

 

“Ohhhh....” He heard Percy whisper.  The son of Poseidon turned back to his girlfriend, “Uh, Annabeth?”

 

Annabeth rose her eyebrow at him, but slowly approached the closet. Jason looked away from the couple. He didn’t want to see their reaction to the pull ups and he tried to ignore their whispering. Instead he focused on sucking.

 

He wished the nipple was a bit bigger, so that it would properly fit in his mouth, but other than that he felt quite content. He sucked harder at the pacifier and hugged Nico’s pillow tight to his chest. 

 

The next thing he knew, Annabeth and Percy were at his side. “I’m sorry, buddy. We didn’t know.” Percy apologized, though Jason didn’t understand why. It wasn’t his fault he hadn’t been fully informed. 

 

“Would it be alright if we helped you into a new diaper?” Annabeth asked gently.

 

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed. “Pull up,” He mumbled around the pacifier. He didn’t like thinking of them as diapers, it made him feel like a baby. Then again, he did have a binkey in his mouth. Jason squirmed in discomfort.

 

Annabeth ran her fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry, you’re right. They are pull ups. Can we help get you into a new one?”

 

Jason sucked harder on the pacifier, trying to sum up the courage to nod. He knew he needed help. Reluctantly, he nodded in response. 

 

They both went about it very delicately. Annabeth stayed at his head, whispering about how brave he was and how proud they all were of him, while Percy removed his pants and the dirty pull up. Jason only got scared when Percy started to wipe him clean, but Annabeth hushed him, stroked his hair and let him grip onto her arm. 

 

Once the new pull up was on, Percy patted his leg and told him that it was all over. Annabeth went back to the floor, to work on their drawing and urged Jason to join her.

 

Jason looked down at his bare legs and pointed with a whine. Percy gave him a confused look. “It’s almost eight Bud, I figure we’d just finish the drawing and put you to bed. You sure want pants?”

 

Jason was confused. Of course he wanted pants. Pajama pants at least. He felt so exposed in just the pull up. He whined and pointed again.

 

Percy turned to Annabeth, who was diligently coloring in the sun on the paper, “Do you think he sleeps in pants?” Percy continues as he opens a drawer, pulling out a pair of Jason’s pajama pants, “I would be dying. I get way too hot in pants when I sleep.”

 

Annabeth rolled her eyes, “I know. He probably just finds them comforting.” She looked up to Jason, “Is that right?”

 

He nodded and lifted his hips, so that Percy could help slip the pants on him.

 

* * *

 

 

Jason fell asleep not long after that. Though before he had brushed his teeth, he insisted that they hang up the drawings on the wall for Nico to see when he got back. 

 

The blond was awoken in the middle of the night by a groan. Jason froze, no one else was supposed to be in his room. Suddenly a pair of arms were wrapped around his waist and a voice whispered in his ear, “Hey love, sorry to wake you.”

 

_ Nico.  _ A grin overtook Jason’s face and he leaned into his boyfriend. The son of Hades titled his head down and sucked a kiss onto Jason’s neck. This was something Nico would not do if he knew Jason was currently in the middle of an especially long episode. Jason was almost tempted to let Nico continue on with whatever he wanted to do him, but he knew that wouldn’t be right. Nico and his therapist had stated explicitly that they should not become intimate when Jason was having an episode. 

 

“‘Ico,” Jason whispered, trying to let his boyfriend know where his head was at. 

 

Nico’s eyes widened and immediately pulled back. Jason whimpered at the loss of physical contact. “I’m--I’m sorry, Jace. I shouldn’t have…” Nico drifted off, his voice strained. “Did your episode just start, love?”

 

Jason shook his head.

 

“Why wouldn’t Percy call me?” Nico sounded hurt. “See, I knew I shouldn’t haven’t left. I should have just stayed here.” Nico grabbed his boyfriend’s hands, “What triggered it?”

 

Jason’s lip jutted out and Nico frowned. “Baby, you’ve got to try to use your words. Remember that’s what we’re supposed to work on.”

 

Jason scowled as he tried to explain what happened. He only words he was able to get out were “Cyclops” and “Camp.”

 

Nico gritted his teeth, “Percy should have called me.” Nico pulled back the covers, straightened his pillow that Jason had been abusing all day, and removed his pants before joining Jason in the bed. “He should have called, you were probably scared out of--” Nico cut himself out and grabbed something small from off of the bed. “What is this?” He asked, hold up the pacifier.

 

Jason had fallen asleep with it in his mouth. It must have fallen out of his mouth while he was sleeping. He stared at it wantingly. 

 

“Where did you get this?” Nico tried again. 

 

“P--Percy.” Jason stuttered and reached out for the binkey.

 

Nico pulled it out of his reach. “Why would Percy give you this?” He snarrled. Jason didn’t understand why Nico was so mad or why he was withholding the pacifier.  _ His pacifier.  _ He reached out for it and whined. 

 

“Jason, no! Tell me, why would Percy give you this?”

 

Jason just wanted his paci, Percy gave it to him and it was his. Why would Nico take it? Tears began to fall from his face. “‘Ico give it! Give it ‘ico!” He screeched. “I’m ‘posed to give in-- in to my ‘pisodes!” 

 

Nico stared at him in shock. That was probably the longest sentence Jason ever said while having an episode. The son of Hades lowered his hand, so that it was back in Jason’s reach. Jason ripped the paci out of his hand and shoved it into his mouth. He sighed in relief and sucked at it like a man dying of thirst. 

 

Jason’s body began to slowly relax as he sucked, which did not go unnoticed by Nico. “Oh… this was why. To calm you down?”

 

Jason just hummed in response. 

 

“Are you feeling better, Jace? I’m sorry. I didn’t understand.”

 

A hum answered him again.

 

Nico laid his face right Jason’s arm and shoved his gave into the other’s shoulder per usual. “You should go back to bed. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? I love feedback :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are you being such a dick?” Nico growled.
> 
> “I’m not being a dick! I’m just being honest.” Leo said, narrowing his eyes at the son of Hades.
> 
> “Yeah, well, you have no right to talk like that--” Leo quickly cut Nico off.
> 
> “You mean, I don’t coddle Jason? You’re right, I don’t. He’s not completely helpless Nico! You treating him like he is, definitely is not helping. You need to--”
> 
> “Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Jason screamed.

The morning after Percy had given Jason a pacifier began with a long talk. Nico tried to keep a list of things that trigger Jason, as well as the things that calm Jason down. The latter list had only two items on it: Nico and the pacifier. 

 

Nico had also spoken to Percy about when it is appropriate to call him. If Jason gets upset over something and cries, no, Percy doesn’t have to call Nico, but if Jason has a full out fit, Percy better be on the phone. 

 

It had been a week since that night and Jason was slowly getting a better control over himself. He spoke more during episodes and they didn’t last as long. While it was embarrassing to basically act like a toddler during his episodes, Jason would much rather that than have the episodes last for hours on end. So he was learning to give into them, as his therapist suggested.

 

At the moment, Jason was currently fidgeting and struggling with his sheets. They wouldn’t lay right over him. The sheets were pulled out longer than the actual covers and Jason whined as he tried to fix them.

 

The son of Jupiter had woken up from a nightmare early that morning that had sent him straight into an episode. Jason cried as Nico rocked him, trying to sooth him back to sleep. When that didn’t work, he went to go get the paci from the bathroom counter, leaving Jason to fidget with the sheets. 

 

“Look what I’ve got,” Nico announced, reentering the room.

 

Jason reaches out, forgetting the sheets and whimpers, “Paci.”

 

“Yes, love.” Nico said, kneeling beside him. “Here,” and slipped the pacifier between the blond’s lips. Jason sucked immediately, trying to find comfort. Nico wrapped his arms around him and Jason snuggled in closer. 

 

“‘Ico?” Jason whispered around the rubber nipple.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Hold,” Jason whimpered. Nico kissed him on the cheek and pulled Jason into his lap. Jason let out a quiet giggle in response.

 

“Oh, you think that’s funny?” Nico teased with a smirk.

 

Jason giggled again as he shoved his face into Nico’s chest and shook his head. “I think you do,” Nico argued. Suddenly Nico’s hands were at Jason’s sides, tickling him. Jason fidgeted and tried to get away. “”Ico, st-stop!” The blond laughed. 

 

Nico pulled his boyfriend even closer and blew a raspberry into Jason’s neck. “Okay, baby. Do you think you can go back to sleep? It’s still pretty early.”

 

Sucking thoughtfully on his pacifier, Jason slowly nodded. “Alright love, let’s lay you down.” Nico said as he slowly moved Jason under the covers. Nico got underneath the covers as well and pulled his boyfriend to his chest. 

 

Jason could feel Nico’s breath slowing, a sign that he was on the brink of falling back to sleep. He also felt himself start to relax against his boyfriend’s chest. Then Jason suddenly felt warmer as he wet his pull up.

 

“‘Ico,” Jason whispered towards Nico’s ear. 

 

“Mmm?” 

 

“C-change,” Jason stuttered as he squeezed his boyfriend’s arm three times.

 

Nico rolled over and moaned into his pillow. “Okay baby, just promise we can go back to bed afterwards.”

 

“Promise.”

 

* * *

 

When the two demigods awoke later, they found that Jason was in a better mindset. They quickly got dressed and headed down to the Big House. It was a Sunday and on Sundays the two boyfriends always ate breakfast with Percy, Annabeth, Leo and Piper on the Big House’s porch. 

 

On this particular morning, all of the demigods were eating cereal, with the exception of Nico. He hated the stuff, refusing to eat it unless his godly Aunt Demeter made him. Instead, this morning he was having biscuits and gravy. 

 

Piper scrunched up her face in disgust as she watch Nico take a big bite. “That’s so gross… How are you actually able to stomach that stuff?”

 

Nico shrugged and took another bite. 

 

“What’s not to like? Biscuits?  _ Good.  _ Gravy?  _ Good. _ ” Percy argued through a mouthful of Captain Crunch. 

 

“It’s just such a weird combination” Piper continued as she leaned back in her beach chair. She had long been done with her frosted flakes as she was the quickest eater of the group. Or at least she was in Jason’s opinion. 

 

“It’s a southern thing. Hazel made it for me once and it was really good.” Nico explained. It smelled really good. Jason felt himself lean into his boyfriend’s side. Nico felt his movement and turned to him with a small smile. “You want a bite?”

 

Jason felt himself started to nod but then stopped himself. His therapist had suggested that he try to avoid using gestures in place of words when he wasn’t having an episode. He guessed that it was supposed to help him use his words during the episodes. “Yes, I would like a bite.” He found himself answering. 

 

“So formal,” Percy teased as Jason opened his mouth for Nico to place a bit of biscuits and gravy in his mouth.

 

Nico was right; it was yummy. He smiled and asked for another bite.

 

“So it was good?” Annabeth asked barely looking up from her book. It had a picture of a building on the front, so Jason could only assume it was a book on architecture. 

 

“Yuck,” Piper said and stuck out her tongue. 

 

It was silent for a minute and the Leo let out a groan. Jason turned his direction towards his friend, who was laying flat on the porch swing with a bright red pair of sunglasses on.

 

“What is it?” Jason asked.

 

Leo sat up straight and threw his hands in the air. “What is it?  _ What is it? _ ” Leo yelled exasperatedly.

 

Jason turned to Nico in confusion and Nico stared at Leo with a bored expression. “Yeah, what’s your problem?”

 

Leo sighed, took off the sunglasses and stood up. “The  _ problem is,  _ I had this great idea for Reyna’s birthday and I just realized we can’t even do it.”

 

At the mention of Reyna, Jason felt himself tense up. Reyna was a sore spot. Before the incident with Deimos, Jason and Reyna used to talk quite often. They iris messaged each other at least once every week. But after Deimos… Jason didn’t call her anymore. He didn’t answer her messages either. 

 

Thing was Reyna  _ knew  _ Jason. Probably better than he knew himself, because she could remember things he couldn’t. So if he talked to her, she would know something was wrong with him. And the last thing Jason wanted her to know about was his episodes. He didn’t want her (who used to see him as a hero, as a leader, as a potential  _ boyfriend _ ) as who he was during his episodes. She knew him. And he didn’t want her to know him like this. 

 

The same thing went for Thalia.

 

So that was the rule that Jason had. He told his friends that they could tell anyone else whatever they wanted to about him, but Reyna and Thalia were to know nothing. 

 

_ They probably thought Jason hated them. _

 

So Jason knew that because if this, whatever Leo’s plan was, it was probably his fault it couldn’t happen. 

 

“What is the idea?” Percy asked, interrupting Jason’s thoughts. 

 

“I was thinking we could go up there and throw her a surprise party.”

 

“Well…” Percy paused and took a look around at the other demigods faces, surveying their reactions. “That’s a good idea, but…” Percy drifted off when his eyes landed on Jason.

 

Jason felt the others look at him, causing a shiver to run up his spine. He shifted closer to Nico. His boyfriend sensed Jason’s anxiety and wrapped his arm around him. “It is a good idea, Reyna would really love seeing all of you guys.” Nico stated. “You should do it.”

 

Leo sighed and pinched his nose, “You see, you say that but I know what’s going to happen. Jason won’t want to go and that’s fine and I understand that. But then you won’t go, because you think that he can survive in his own.” Jason felt Nico’s body tense next to him and saw his jaw clench. Leo continued, “And then because you two are staying behind, Percy will stay behind, because he feels like he needs to. Then Annabeth will stay behind. And then it would just be me and Piper and that’s not a party.” Leo scowled and crossed his arms.

 

“Why are you being such a dick?” Nico growled.

 

“I’m not being a dick! I’m just being honest.” Leo said, narrowing his eyes at the son of Hades. 

 

“Yeah, well, you have no right to talk like that--” Leo quickly cut Nico off.

 

“You mean, I don’t coddle Jason? You’re right, I don’t. He’s not completely helpless Nico! You treating him like he is, definitely is not helping. You need to--”

 

“Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Jason screamed, gripping and pulling at his own hair. “Just shut the fuck up, Leo! Holy shit, please. Gods… I’ll fucking go to California. We can have your stupid party.”

 

The porch was silent.

 

Annabeth was one to speak up first. “Are you sure you want to?”

 

“Yes! Let’s fucking go!” Jason gritted out. “I’ll have to face her eventually.”

 

Percy and Annabeth looked at each other, having their famous silent conversations. Percy turned to Jason, “O-okay, so how are getting there? Driving? Pegisi?”

 

“Not shadow traveling.” Leo grumbled, which earned a death glare from the son of Hades.

 

“We could fly?” Piper suggested. “My dad has like a billion flyer miles. I’m sure he could get us tickets.”

 

Nico and Percy shared a worried look. “I don’t know… I really don’t feel like being shot out of the sky.” Percy said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“He wouldn’t, because Jason will be with us. He won’t shoot down his own son.” Piper argued.

 

“What makes you say that?” Jason grumbled. He is pretty convinced that Zeus/Jupiter doesn’t give a crap about him. If he really wanted to kill Percy Jackson, he would probably be willing to sacrifice Jason in the process. 

 

Nico rubbed his back, “We’ll be fine. Piper is right. Besides, taking a plane will be faster than driving.”

 

* * *

 

So that was how Jason ended up waiting in line to board a plane. He fidgeted in line, gripping at the blanket in his hands. Nico had a hold on his arm, rubbing calming circles with his thumb. That morning, when they were packing for the trip, had not gone well.

 

He and Nico had gotten in huge fight over whether or not to bring all of Jason’s episode items. Jason didn’t want to bring them; he hadn’t want Reyna to accidentally see them. In the end, Nico had packed them in his backpack, so they would have them “just in case.” 

 

Then one the way to airport, Jason found out that Percy would not be sitting next to him and Nico. Percy had explained that if Jason sat next to him, he’d probably make Jason more anxious. 

 

Both of these situations caused Jason to feel like he was on the edge. He was one more stressful event away from tipping over into an episode. Jason gripped the blanket tighter as the line moved forward.  _ I can’t have an episode on a plane. I cannot.  _

 

“You doing okay, baby?” Nico asked, still rubbing his arm.

 

Anxiety spiked in him at the pet name. He was not a  _ baby.  _ “Don’t call me that.” Jason whispered harshly. Nico’s small supporting smile immediately dropped. Guilt shot through Jason. He wanted to apologize, but it was he turn to step onto the plane.

 

Jason quickly found his and Nico’s seat. Jason took the window seat as he figured that looking out the window would be the last thing that Nico would want to do. 

 

Nico rapidly sat in his seat, tucked the backpack under the seat in front of him and buckled himself in tight. He took a shaky breath and glanced over to the row across from them. Nico saw Annabeth struggling to keep Percy calm. The son of Poseidon had his head between his knees and seemed to be whispering to himself.

 

“Is he going to be okay?” Jason half whispered.

 

Nico rubbed his shoulder, “Yeah, yeah. He should be fine.”

 

Just as Jason was gonna ask if there was anything to do to calm their anxieties, when Piper and Leo loudly approached their seats.

 

“Hey guys!” Piper smiled brightly and took her seat next to Nico. 

 

Leo sat down next to Percy, who was sort of rocking back and forth in his seat. “Oh gods, you’re not going to throw up are you?” 

 

Percy shot him a sharp glare. “If I feel the need, I’ll let you know,” He stated dryly.

 

Suddenly the plane started moving. Nico gripped onto Jason’s arm and Percy seemed to bracing himself for impact.

 

Piper snorted, “You guys are being ridiculous. Everything is going to be okay.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Nico said through gritted teeth. 

 

When the plane finally took off, Jason thought his boyfriend was going to rip his arm off. Nico had his eyes closed tightly, while Piper looked bored with the whole thing. She had her headphones in and was reading a book.

 

The plane eventually leveled out and Nico was able to relax a bit. That is until they hit an air pocket. 

 

Two things happened at that moment. One, Nico jumped and gripped Jason’s arm tightly. Two, the sudden turbulence jostled Jason’s bladder, causing it to empty out into his pull.

 

Watching his boyfriend become so anxious was not good for Jason’s stability.

 

Wetting himself on plane ride, where he wouldn’t be able to change for a while was also not good for Jason’s stability. 

 

So his mind did the one thing he did not want it to do. It slipped. Jason whimpered and pulled the blanket to his face. 

 

“Jace? You okay?” He heard Nico ask. He shook his head, still hiding his face.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Jason whined and fidgeted in his seat. He reached out and squeezed Nico’s arm three times.  

Sympathy flooded Nico face, “Love, I’m so sorry. We’ll change you as soon as we land.” 

 

Jason whined, worrying that other passengers might have heard him. Piper leaned over and tugged the blanket away from Jason’s face. 

 

“What’s wrong, Jason?” 

 

Jason shoved his face back into the blanket. “No,” he whimpered. 

 

Piper tugged the blanket away once more, “Jay, what’s wrong?”

 

Jason squirm away from her hand and gripped his blanket. “No! No, no, no. My blankie.”

 

Nico pushed Piper back towards her seat. “Piper, stop. Leave him alone, he’s having an episode.”

 

Tears welled up in Jason’s eyes, “I no wan' to ‘ave an ‘pisode.” He whined and pressed his face back into his blanket. 

 

“I know bab-- love,” Nico corrected himself as he rubbed his boyfriend’s back. Jason sniffed. He had told Nico not to call him a baby. He didn’t want to be a baby, but he liked the nickname when Nico used it. It made him feel special.  _ Now he’s never gonna call me that again!  _ This thought made his lip jut out and quiver.

 

Nico noticed that Jason was rapidly getting more upset and asked him what was wrong. Jason broke down in quiet sobs and leaned in closer to to him. “I still wanna be your baby, ‘m sowry,” Jason whispered into Nico’s ear.

 

Blood rushed to Nico’s face.  _ He looks cute when he blushes.  _ Nico grabbed the blonde's face and wiped away his tears. “You’re always gonna be my baby, Jace. Just like I’m yours.” And he placed a kiss on his forehead. 

 

Jason wiggled closer to his boyfriend and placed his blanket over his face. He felt better hiding; he didn’t want anyone on the plane to see him so vulnerable. A hand suddenly reached under the blanket.

 

In the hand was Jason’s most favorite item: his paci. Jason quickly took it into his mouth. He suckled on the nipple until he felt his eyes droup. Maybe he would just nap for the rest of the flight. He sucked harder on his pacifier and squirmed in his seat, trying to get comfy.

 

Nico stroked his back and Jason slowly drifted off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so they're off to Camp Jupiter! I love feedback and I would to hear any suggestions you all may have!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So yeah, I was gonna take a shower.” He added awkwardly.
> 
> Nico stepped towards him with a smirk planted on his face, “Yeah? You’re not exactly dirty.” His grin darkened and the room seemed to as well, “But you could be.”
> 
> “Yeah?” Jason can feel his cheeks heating up, taking a step closer as well.
> 
>  
> 
> Or, Jason and Nico have sex for the first time in months.

Jason woke up when the plane landed, however it felt like he had woken up on a roller coasters. He was practically bounced out of seat. He spit his pacifier out into his blanket and held it tightly to his chest until he felt the plane come to a complete stop.

 

“Oh gods, Leo move. I’m gonna throw up.” Percy moaned as he folded in half in his chair. 

 

“I can’t. The seat belt sign is still on.”

 

Nico snorted at that, but still appeared a little shaken from the landing. “I almost shit myself when we hit the ground.”

 

Piper took out her headphones, “Yeah, it was pretty bad.” She turned towards Jason, “How are you doing, Sparky? You feeling better?”

 

Jason wrinkled his nose at the nickname. He hadn’t heard that one in a while. He twisted the blanket in his hands and whispered, “I guess.”

 

“You want me to put your stuff back in the backpack?” Nico asked gently and gestured to the blanket. 

 

Jason shook his head, but handed Nico the pacifier. The son of Hades put away the item discreetly.

 

“I need to get out of this flying death trap!” He heard Percy shout and he couldn’t agree more. Besides, he really needed to get out of his wet pull up. He was starting to itch.

 

* * *

 

Even though Jason was feeling a little bit better, he still wasn’t completely himself. So that was how Jason and Nico both ended up together in a handicap stall, trying to get Jason into a new pull up. 

 

As Nico pulled up his pants over the fresh, clean pull up, Jason let out a sigh. 

 

“What?” Nico asked, pulling his backpack back on.

 

“It’s just…” Jason trailed off and placed his blanket back into Nico’s backpack.

 

“Just what?” 

 

Jason unlocked the stall door and walked over the sinks. “This is gonna be a really hard trip.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Nico’s eyebrow rose in confusion. “Why are you sorry?”

 

“Because you have to deal with all of this crap.” Jason responded in a monotone voice. He quickly washed his hands and went to grab the paper towels when Nico grabbed his hands. Nico’s nose was all pinched up and his eyebrows were scrunched together. He looked angry. 

 

“Look,” He spat. Oh yes, he was angry. “Don’t say stuff like that. You’re not just some burden to me.” His face softened for a second, “I love you. All of you. So yes, I am always gonna be there for you, episode or not. I just wish you would stop feeling so guilty about it.”

 

Jason shrugged his shoulders, “I feel like you should be someone who isn’t so messed up. You deserve the best.”

 

Nico cracked a sad sort of smile, “Well, I mean, they don’t call you the golden boy for nothing.”

 

Jason frowned. He had always hated being expected to be perfect, but he doubted that people called him that now. Nico cupped his face, “Hey, none of that. I want you. Every part of you. I’m always gonna be here. I’m not gonna leave unless you want me to.”

 

The blond kissed one of Nico’s hands. “Then I guess you’re stuck with me. Cause I’m never gonna want you to leave.”

 

“Good.” His boyfriend grinned. “Now come on, let’s get back out there. I’m sure they’re ready to head for Camp Jupiter.”

 

When the two exited the bathroom and found their friends over by the airport’s exit. Standing with them was Hazel and Frank. As soon as Hazel saw her brother, she dashed towards him and threw herself into his arms. 

 

“Nico!” Hazel cheered and held her brother tight.

 

Nico was all smiles, “Hi Hazel. I missed you too.” 

 

She smiled widely, “How was your flight?”

 

“Wasn’t too bad. The landing was a little rough though.”

 

“I’m just so glad you’re here!” Hazel started pulling towards the others. Jason trailed shortly behind. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

 

Nico made a sheepish face and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that. Things… have been busy.” 

 

Jason stumbled a bit at that. Had he not been talking to Hazel because of him?  _ Oh gods, I really am ruining his life.  _ He felt himself get increasingly anxious, so he tried taking a few deeps breaths. He couldn’t let himself slip again. He couldn’t.

 

“So how are we getting to New Rome?” Leo asked, while struggling to carry his duffle bag, backpack and a giant piece of luggage. 

 

“I was able to borrow a van from Camp.” Frank said, leading everyone to the airport parking lot. Leo was trailing in the back, still struggling with his bags. Frank gave him a once over, “What’s with all the bags, Valdez?”

 

“I don’t really think that is any of your business, Frank-o.” Leo said through his teeth, while pulling at the large suitcase. 

 

Jason quickly reached and grabbed the handle away from his friend. “Here, let me help you.”

 

“Thanks man,” Leo grinned. 

 

Throughout the ride to New Rome, Hazel and Frank filled in the other demigods on all that has happened since they were there last year. 

 

Apparently, they were building more apartments within the city. At the mention of this, Jason noticed Percy instantly perk up. It’s no secret that he wants to move to New Rome as soon as he graduates high school. Percy wants to make a home for him and Annabeth here. The thought of Percy and Annabeth leaving makes Jason feel a twinge of sadness run through him. He would miss them pretty terribly. Especially…. Especially if these episodes continue. During his episodes, Percy and Annabeth are one of the few people he trusts. 

 

Once they arrived at camp, Jason felt that same electric feeling of fear run through him that he had felt when he had that incident with Leo’s robotic dog. He felt himself tense up and instantly brought himself closer to Nico. 

 

Nico was pulling their luggage out of the back of the van and as soon as he saw Nico’s backpack, he quickly unzipped it and pulled his blanket out. 

 

“You okay, Jace?” Nico asked, looking at him wearily as he slung the backpack on. 

 

Jason gripped onto his blanket, pulling it close to his chest. “Yeah… I just. Yeah, I’ll be okay. It’s just weird to be back here.”

 

Nico nodded in understanding, handing him his suitcase. “Just let me know if need anything.”

 

“Do you need help carrying all of your stuff?” A voice suddenly echoed through the camp’s parking lot. 

 

Jason turned to see the one person he had been dreading to see. “Reyna!” Leo shouted.

 

Piper ran up to her and gave her a hug, “Hey! How have you been? You look great.” And she did. Her hair was braided to one side and somehow she made her preator tunic look like the classiest dress anyone had ever seen. 

 

Percy and Annabeth greeted her with a hug as well before Frank lead them off with Leo and Piper, probably to where they would be staying. It was fairly obvious to Jason that they left so quickly on purpose. They wanted Reyna to be able to confront Jason and the thought of this terrified him.

 

Nico awkwardly glanced from Jason to Reyna before he smiled and approached her. “Hey Reyna.”

 

She gave him a small smile, “Hello Nico. I’m glad you all could come up.” Then she looked to Jason and he felt the fear creep up behind him and intensify. He clutched at his blanket. “Hi, Reyna,” He whispered.

 

She stepped towards him and for a second, Jason was sure that he was going to deck him. Instead, she pulled him in for the tightest hug. 

 

“Don’t ever do that to me again.” Jason could hear the tears in her voice.

 

“I’m sorry,” He whispered into her shoulder. 

 

She pulled back, sniffing, “So do you want to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me for months?”

 

Jason winced at her wording and clutched the blanket tighter. “Not...not really.”

 

Reyna simply bit her lip, “Look, I know we’re not as close anymore, but I  _ know  _ you. You don’t have to feel like you need to hide something from me. It’ll be okay, Jason.”

 

“Reyna,” He stepped back, creating more room for him to breath. “I just really don’t want to talk about it. But I promise, I’ll never do that to you again.”

 

She looked at him, seeming to really try to process the information she was given and then glanced towards Nico, who was trying to give the two as much privacy as possible without leaving the vicinity. She took a deep breath, “Does that mean our weekly calls are back on?”

 

Jason gave her a tiny smirk, “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

The demigod couple were placed in an older studio apartment on the edge of Camp Rome. Reyna told them that it used to belong to an older preator before they moved onto “bigger and better things.” While the studio apartment was small, Jason didn’t really. He enjoyed having the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom so close together, because if he needed something it would literally be right there. Nico on the other hand wasn’t all that impressed.

 

“I swear, I’m gonna kill myself in the night if I have to go the bathroom. There’s no way I won’t run into these counters!”

 

“You can just turn on the light if you have to go.”

 

“Yeah, but then I’d wake you up,” Nico shrugged. “So that’s not worth it.”

 

Jason leaned into the bathroom, seeing that it was particularly small, but would be fine for the two during their stay. What was important was that the shower also had a bathtub at its base. That way, if he were to slip into an episode, Nico would still be able to help him get clean. Jason quickly shook these thoughts away. His therapist told him it wasn’t good to dwell on the ‘what ifs.’ 

 

“I think I’m gonna take a shower.” Jason said while taking off his shirt. 

 

Nico turned away from unpacking their bags, “Okay--”

 

Then there was this moment. It was hard to describe, but Jason knew that they both had the same thought going through their minds:  _ We haven’t had sex in months.  _

 

Jason could feel his body heating, really getting excited for the first time in a while. “So yeah, I was gonna take a shower.” He added awkwardly. 

 

Nico stepped towards him with a smirk planted on his face, “Yeah? You’re not exactly dirty.” His grin darkened and the room seemed to as well, “But you could be.”

 

“Yeah?” Jason can feel his cheeks heating up, taking a step closer as well.

 

Nico hummed and nodded. Reaching up, he cupped Jason’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. Jason immediately melted against him. The next thing he knew, Nico shirt was off and they were both grinding together on the bed.

 

Nico grabbed at the blonde’s jeans and whispered deeply into the other’s ear, “Off.”

 

As if his pants had suddenly just caught fire, Jason ripped them off, along with the pull up he had on. There was a moment where he stared at the pull up on the floor, feeling nothing but self deprecation. Nico lightly grabbed his face and turned it towards him. “Hey, none of that. Okay? Let’s focus on this.”

 

Jason gulped, “Okay.” 

 

The son of Hades removed his own pants and boxers just as quickly. He layed Jason down on his back, ripping off his shirt and his boyfriend’s. He sucked kisses along Jason’s neck making Jason feel like he was on fire.  _ But like, the good kind of fire. Not like that time Leo actually caught me on fire.  _

 

Nico noticed that his boyfriend’s mind had started to wonder. He brought his lips down, giving Jason the sweetest kiss and breathed, “Are you good? You want this?”

 

“Yes, oh gods, yes.” Jason babbled and tried to keep his hip from bucking up. 

 

Nico gave him a devilish grin, “That’s good to hear.” Jason heard the sound of a bottle being opened and the next thing he knew, Nico was prodding his fingers at his entrance, teasing him. Jason gasped at the feeling and shivered. 

 

“I’m going to fuck you senseless”

 

When it came to sex between the two, Nico was always the one who did most of the talking. Jason on the other hand was mostly quiet, except for the fact that he moans louder than anyone on the planet earth. There have been plenty of times where Nico has had to shush him, in order to keeping him from waking up the entire camp. Jason just can’t help himself. When he’s fucked out, he loses all control and Nico absolutely loves it. 

 

“When I’m done with you, the people across the city will hear your screams.” Nico continued and shoved two fingers inside of Jason. 

 

Jason let out a stifled cry and wiggled down further on the fingers. Nico immediately began scissoring him open, causing Jason to moan loudly. 

 

“Shhh, baby. You can’t be too loud,” Nico whispered softly into his boyfriend’s ear. 

 

Jason whimpered, “Need you.”

 

“I know, love. I’m gonna give it to ya.”

 

And boy, was he true to his word. Nico lathered himself up with lube, threw Jason’s legs over his shoulders and began pressing into him. Gods, Jason had missed this feeling. Nico quickly began thrusting into Jason, all while whispering in Jason’s ear about how much he loved him and how amazing he felt. It made Jason feel hot all over.

 

Before Jason knew it, he felt something in his lower stomach coil and tighten. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna come,” Jason rasped. 

 

“Come for me, babe.” Nico grunted as he thrusted harder and aimed at Jason’s prostate.

 

Jason gasped as he released all over his and Nico’s chest. Then, something strange happened. Instead of basking in his afterglow while Nico finished fucking him, Jason felt himself slipping.  _ No, no, no! What the hell? _

 

Jason squirmed and whimpered when Nico came. “I love you so much, Jason.” His boyfriend moaned as he pulled out of him. 

 

Jason could feel his come slowly leaking out, a feeling that Jason had come to enjoy, but right now it just feels so  _ wrong.  _

 

And that fact-- that something that he used to love something has now become tainted-- caused his eyes to start watering. Then the next thing he knows, he’s having a full blown out panic attack; tears, gasps, sobs and all. 

 

Nico freezes at sound of Jason’s first heart wrenching sob. “What, what is it?” He asks, panicked. 

 

Jason shakes his heads and clutches at his sides. 

 

Nico starts looking his body all over, searching for some sort of injury. “Did I hurt you?!” Nico sounds like he’s on the verge of tears too.

 

“No,” Jason practically screams through his sobs. 

 

That was moment when Nico recognized Jason’s panic attack for what it was. He quickly pulled Jason into his arms, rocking him back and forth, trying to wipe away his tears. He whispered calming truths, in hopes that it would sooth the blond. 

 

_ You’re okay, Jason. You’re safe. _

 

_ I love you. _

 

_ It’s gonna be alright. _

 

_ I’m here for you.  _

 

Eventually, Jason began to relax. His cries turned into soft sniffles. He pressed his face into Nico’s shoulder, feeling totally defeated. 

 

Slowly, he squeezed his boyfriend’s arm three times.

 

“You want me to clean you up?” Nico whispered gently.

 

Jason pinched his eyes shut and nodded. The two demigods made their way to the bathroom, where Nico ran Jason a bath. He scrubbed Jason down, making sure every inch of him was clean. He gently wiped away all of the dried come. It was like it didn’t even happen. Except it did. 

 

Jason whimpered at the thought, but Nico sensed that another crying fit was just around the corner, so he found and slid Jason’s pacifier into the said boy’s mouth. Jason sucked vigorously on the paci throughout the rest of the bath, and all the way up to the moment he was being diapered on their bed. By that time he was exhausted

 

Nico rapidly put on his pull up and dressed him for bed. After he had also dressed himself, he laid in bed, holding Jason tightly.

 

“We don’t have to do that ever again.” Jason’s boyfriend whispered into his ear.

 

“No.” Jason slurred from behind the paci.

 

“But you were crying--”

 

“Not your fault, ‘ico.”

 

“But--”

 

“No.” Jason pressed his face into the son of Hades’ chest. “Don’t say ‘ever.”

 

Nico breathed deeply. “Okay.”

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love y'alls feedback! Sorry it took forever to update :/ School has been hectic

**Author's Note:**

> Should I add more to this?


End file.
